


Arc, Art, and Shiki Walk into Ahnenerbe

by TheTrueOverlordBear



Series: Some Trios Walk into Ahnenerbe [1]
Category: Carnival Phantasm, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms, Kara no Kyoukai | The Garden of Sinners, Tsukihime
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:00:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23716315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheTrueOverlordBear/pseuds/TheTrueOverlordBear
Summary: One of these ladies is not like the others, and said lady helps the others out. In other words: "Thank you, Mother."
Relationships: Kokutou Mikiya/Ryougi Shiki
Series: Some Trios Walk into Ahnenerbe [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1757179
Comments: 6
Kudos: 21





	Arc, Art, and Shiki Walk into Ahnenerbe

On one of her long walks alone, all while her husband relaxed at home with their daughter and the bomber, Shiki Ryougi walked into a cafe called Ahnenerbe, a strange place where there were waitresses in maid costumes and owners who were small and deformed bipedal cats. Still, it was nothing beyond the strange she was used to, so Shiki sat by the bar without fuss. She also found herself right beside two sullen blonde women, but she paid them no mind.

"I wanna have kids."

But as Shiki was about to order, the red-eyed strawberry blonde in the white turtleneck and the purple skirt spoke, both elbows on the countertop as various cats bearing her deformed likeness either skittered around with orders or listened to the beginnings of conversations such as this one.

A growl then came from the green-eyed platinum blonde in the white shirt and blue skirt, looking like a fair lass and a royal commander at the same time as she sat straight with grit teeth.

Shiki gave a silent look to those two clearly foreign girls. They seemed like childish nobility, but she also felt like talking to them. Was it motherly instinct? Whatever it was, she still spoke to them eventually.

"Men?"

"Yeah." "Yes."

With her usual look of flatness (or coolness, depending on who you asked), Shiki recalled her notable experiences with men around her age: Either they were some level of psychotic, or the man was Mikiya.

"Kids?" Shiki also pressed for more information. "Bearing a child is not easy." They also looked quite young and naive, after all.

"Ehhh, really?" the red-eyed one questioned. "Well, I _have_ heard that it's like hatching one of those Xenomorph things..."

The green-eyed one gave a raised eyebrow and a tilted head to the red-eyed one. Shiki also mentally reminded herself to buy a tub of strawberry ice cream and ask Mikiya, Mana, and Kamekura to have an _Alien_ movie marathon with her.

But back to the matter at hand...

"Do you know how children are actually made?" Shiki asked.

The red-eyed one answered with a two-finger circle and an index finger inside that circle. "Sex, of course," she also said. "My boyfriend Shiki told me stuff about it, though it sounded so scary that I couldn't believe it. I mean, I can regenerate, but I can't help being nervous, hahaha! So, uh...is it really that scary, then?"

Blinking to shake off that confusion from the Shiki namedrop, the Ryougi raised an eyebrow. The other blonde also sighed.

"Childbirth is not as...alien as you think," said the green-eyed one with a twitch. "I believe I have had some strange nobles call upon my presence before, all to witness such occurrences." Her lips were also pursed. "Still, it is not as brutal as you think, otherwise I would not be happy to welcome new life upon the world." Her lips pulled up. "It also brings me memories of battle, and to see a mother give her all, even at the risk of death, all for the sake of giving life to such a precious little one...I cannot help but give respect...even if those elders have the ability to test my patience."

Shiki could now see a battle-hardened aura along with that exhaustion, as if the green-eyed one had grown up too fast.

"But have you yourself given birth before?" Shiki then asked.

The little woman with a bun and a cowlick slammed a fist upon the countertop beside her, making a little cat person jump. "Whiskey, please," she also growled.

Meanwhile, the bigger blonde frowned at Shiki. "Hey, I may not know much about human childbirth as much as I do about sex," she went, "But there are people who find not being able to have kids a touchy subject, you know! I don't know why they want to go through such monstrous ritual sacrifices, but hey, have some respect!"

"Sorry," Shiki replied, still wearing that flat look.

"Heeeeeeeere's your whiskeeeeeeey!" a strange cat server keened at a convenient moment, bottle in hand as its contents were poured into a large mug. The smaller blonde then snatched the mug and took a big swig once the bottle was lifted back up, not even bothering to wipe her froth mustache right after.

"I have a daughter, you fools," she yelled, "But I am more like a father to her!"

"Ah, that rude and wild lady who doesn't like being called a girl?" the server asked. "I mean no rudeness against one of your Knights, Your Majesty," she added when the green-eyed blonde turned to make some terrifying eye contact, "Even though I would admit being quite put off by how she got into a brawl here before!"

Thus went another swig and a growl. "I shall further inquire about Mordred later, but for now, I would like to be left alone with these two fools."

And while the server ran away again, the red-eyed blonde responded with a pout. "Hey, who do you think you are to call us fools? I'll have you know that my regeneration can go as far as reinventing the conceptual structure of my body to overcome monstrous abilities like Mystic Eyes of Death Perception!"

Shiki's eyes widened at that. It wasn't everyday that one would be able to know of someone who had Mystic Eyes like hers, after all. But before she could ask more about it...

"I am King Arthur, you oversexed buffoon," the smaller blonde spat.

"Well, I'm Arcueid Brunestud, and I can drop the moon on ya!" the bigger blonde shot back, arms crossed underneath her more endowed chest, causing a twitch in the smaller blonde's eyes.

Meanwhile, Shiki's memory was pricked by vague recollections of Touko Aozaki's random rants about her sister and unrequited love.

"More whiskey!" the self-proclaimed King ordered, though seeming less self-proclaimed with how the server declared the coming of more free whiskey to be gulped. "If I were still actively attending to my duties as the Knight King of Britain," she added after one such gulp, "I would have merely regarded your posturing as insignificant, succubus. Besides, I have Merlin and my Knights."

The blonde named Arcueid laughed at that, and she turned to Shiki. "Heh, this little girl's drunk!" she stage-whispered with a hand to her cheek and a finger to the King. "And she definitely acts more like a dad than a mom! I think I can see where her daughter gets it from, then!"

"I believe we should deal with this more calmly and tactfully," Shiki opined. "Since you've managed to start introductions, I'll get on with mine already. My name is Shiki Ryougi, and I also have Mystic Eyes of Death Perception."

"Whoa, your name is Shiki, and you also have Mystic Eyes of Death Perception?" the Arcueid girl went with surprise and curiosity, with Shiki feeling some triumph at the distraction. "Are you my boyfriend's female version or something?"

"I also have a male personality," Shiki answered," But I do not think that the two of you have met before. Who is your boyfriend, then?"

"Well, his name is Shiki Tohno, which means he has nothing to do with you other than having Mystic Eyes of Death Perception," Arcueid rambled on, "And whoa, aren't you supposed to have Mystic Eye Killers? My boyfriend wears those glasses when he doesn't use them, but it's either your Mystic Eyes are not that strong, or maybe you're just that powerful. So, what are you, then, Female Shiki?"

Shiki blinked and stayed silent for a while to process that ramble. With what she knew about Touko, Shiki then began comprehending how this male Shiki was a little closer to her than she thought. After all, Shiki did remember how Touko gleefully bragged about all those things she bought in her sister's name as a way to exact revenge for said sister's theft of a pair of Mystic Eye Killers long ago...Wait.

"Do you perhaps know of an Aoko Aozaki?" Shiki asked.

"Ah, you mean the Blue?" Arcueid asked back. "Well, of course I do! Anyone dealing with Magecraft on a regular basis should know her!" And then she bowed forward, putting the back of one hand under one cheek. "This is just between us, though, since you look like you can keep a secret," she whispered, "But hey, my Shiki knows her personally! He got his glasses from her in the first place!"

And that's where it went. Touko would love to know that, but Shiki wasn't planning on throwing the boy under the bus. The Ryougi was just curious, and now she was amused.

"I see..." Shiki then said with a small smile.

"But wait, you haven't even answered my question, Female Shiki!" Arcueid snapped back to the original topic, slamming a hand on the counter. "What are you?"

And then the King decked Arcueid into the counter, splintering it up as well. "You do not disrespect the powerful!" she shouted with red cheeks.

"I'm okay!" Arcueid declared, quickly pulling her face out of the broken wood. "So, what's your answer, Female Shiki?"

At that, Shiki blinked and answered:

"A demon hunter. I also have quite an ordinary husband and daughter. I also like taking walks. My abilities also aren't much to brag about."

At that, Arcueid stared in silence.

"I guess we can call her a MILF, then?"

And then she uttered something perverted.

"...MILF?" the King asked, eyes somewhere in the distance. "What is that? Is it edible?"

"Well, if I remember what my Shiki told me correctly, then a MILF is a mother who's really beautiful. He said I can be one when we have kids! Though he's so flip-floppy about having one..."

Ah, someone who isn't ready to be a father yet. The female Shiki then felt some more appreciation for Mikiya. Still...

"You do know what 'MILF' means, right?" Shiki asked.

"Eh?" Arcueid's brow creased. "Well, my Shiki told me that it means 'Mother I'd Like to Fuck.' And I'm pretty sure that I'm really beautiful if he'd like to have sex with me that much. I don't know why he looks at other mothers like that in those magazines when I can be a real one for him, though..."

"My lover can be a mother to my child!" the King suddenly shouted. "He cleans, he cooks, and he takes it real good!"

The King's ranting aside, Shiki found herself facing a simple problem.

"You appear to be very affectionate," the female Shiki told Arcueid, "While he is sexually enthusiastic. Perhaps you simply need to give him more affection and enthusiasm, then."

At that, Arcueid put a hand under her chin, and then she beamed with a raised fist in front of her. "Oh yeah, you're right! I can do more! I'm not called the White Princess for nothing, after all!"

"Hah!" the King interjected. "That's what she said!"

"Thanks, Female Shiki!" Arcueid continued, ignoring the King and hugging the Ryougi. "I'll be going back to give my Shiki a lot more, then!"

And then Arcueid burst out of Ahnenerbe, leaving Shiki with the King, whose face was now on the counter.

"My lover thinks that there is the need to please all our female friends who love to get closer than what is honorable," the King mumbled.

"Then...overpower them?" Shiki suggested. She didn't understand why it was such a big worry. Much like crazy men, crazy women only needed to be subdued with some force and subterfuge. Maybe there would be some angst along the way, but still.

The King grinned at the suggestion.

"You are now an honorary Knight of the Round Table."

After the King said that, she swayed away into a run with a mad laugh.

Left alone, Shiki looked at the mess of wood beside her.

She would have to get a check ready for this cafe.

* * *

**Author's Note:** This was inspired by some delayed realizations about the official couples of Type-MOON's first three franchise starters. Also, another delayed realization: Out of all them girls' Japanese VAs, only Shiki's is married...and her husband is also Mikiya's VA. Welp. XD


End file.
